Life NOWwhere (Poem)

You are here
Yet nowhere to be seen
One would describe life
As an ongoing spark
An enjoyment to every beat of ones heart
New experiences
New people
A fine taste to enjoy every colour
Every spec of light
Its to feel the breeze on ones face
And the warmth of the sun on ones cheek
Where are you life? NOWwhere?
Instead of the light breeze upon ones face
You cast hurricanes on various states
Rather than the warmth of the sun
You cast cancer on someone from over exposure
Yes I am aware, life is a rollercoaster
However you seem to provide some with an everlasting drop rather than the ups and downs
Where is the enjoyment for some
Why is it all ups for others
Have you and Karma had a fight
Where wrong seems to conquer over what's right
And you need to be a bitch or ass to get far in life
Where are my sparks?
You've set them alight in you many flash fires
Where are you life?
NOWwhere?

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Motivation Lacking, apologies

I apologise once again for the lack of posting but the lack of motivation sometimes when life seems so full of work to get through can put me off even going online, I don't even really play games online as I feel I can't be bothered to do anything. The lack of motivation to do pretty much anything, as to the most time, whenever I've had motivation to do something I'm usually shot down one way or another. I was recently trying to move closer to work, everything was assured by the estate agent, we'd given the moving deposit and securing amount, to find that the landlord that had agreed we could have a dog, something we really wanted, behind our back said no, and he had even told the estate agent he wasn't sure about our nationalities, to meet the potential new landlord, have him smile in our face, say yes to everything, have the landlord and estate agent put our hopes up and then the agent lied saying the landlord had decided to go with another tenant, I did some investigating as they were still listing the property, under aliases I found they were still arranging viewings and I contacted another estate agent that knew the landlord personally and said he had no tenant but wasn't sure about our nationalities, I'm South African / Portuguese, other girl is South African / Indian, landlord from Syria, and this in modern London, and he told this agency he doesn't want dogs, I was so upset, why did he agree then in the first place? What was the point to waste our time and his? I had already given notice to my landlord, I had gotten my mother to loan me money for the deposits as we did not have enough. I was at work when after being assured we had the property only thing left to sign the paperwork, plans made, transport to work looked up, things bought for the new place, plus having spent money to advertise our current place as we'd be moving just short of the end of our tenancy agreement so in order to move we would need a new tenant, over £65 pounds spent to advertise it... I got the call at work, I was in tears, a waste of time, throwing away my money, thrashing my dreams... Anyway, I've not been at my best motivationally speaking, it's already hard for me to get motivated despite my cheerful "keep calm, carry on, you can do it" attitude up front and personal, within, within I'm struggling through peace's of broken glass. Trying to figure out what I want, how I feel and the sensation that I'm running out of time to find it all out...
I'd really like to find my motivation, wherever it is hidden, but it seems to hide deeper and deeper at every shattered dream, every steep sharp edged obstacle.
It's like a light, struggling to break through the darkness, with only a dying battery to power it, and as hard as that light might try to shine, as hard as it might try to flutter, to glare through, it is only as strong as the battery that powers it, and motivation is like a battery, if your motivation is weak it will forever hold you back, pull you with the weight of a thousand anchors, no matter how much you want something. The "don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today" becomes and everlasting "I'll do it later" when you know deep inside you'll just keep postponing it, and it will eat at you that you want to do it, but aren't motivated enough and that will power you down further... Its a vicious cycle. I'm going to try to post more frequently, however I don't want to make promises, I've not been quite steady so far but I hope I can post a bit more often. The work environment I'm currently in doesn't help much, it drains me a lot to work where I work, mentally and physically, but hey, I still have bills to pay at the end of the day...
Sorry again for the lack of posts...
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device